🔒 Privacy Policy 🔒

On the Illusion of Privacy in the Presence of the Almighty

Let's have an honest conversation about privacy in the digital age. Companies spend millions crafting privacy policies that promise to "protect your data" and "respect your privacy" while simultaneously harvesting every possible data point to sell to advertisers, train AI models, and build psychological profiles that would make the Stasi jealous.

We could do that too. We could write 47 pages of legalese about cookies, pixels, fingerprinting, and "legitimate interest" while doing whatever we want with your data anyway. After all, you're going to click "Accept" without reading it, just like you do everywhere else.

But here's the uncomfortable truth that makes all privacy policies ultimately absurd:

👁️ The Ultimate Privacy Violation

There is no privacy. There has never been privacy. There will never be privacy.

If you believe in an omniscient, omnipresent God—and statistically, you probably do—then you already accept that every single thought, action, and impulse you've ever had is being permanently recorded by an entity with unlimited storage capacity and perfect recall.

God sees everything you do. Every time. Yes, even that.

That embarrassing thing you did when you were 12? God saw it. That thought you had three seconds ago that you're ashamed of? God heard it. That browser history you cleared? God has the original logs. That incognito tab? Not so incognito when the Creator of the Universe is watching over your shoulder.

The NSA wishes it had surveillance capabilities like the Almighty. Edward Snowden exposed PRISM. Nobody can expose the divine panopticon because it's been openly documented in religious texts for millennia:

"The eyes of the LORD are in every place, keeping watch on the evil and the good." (Proverbs 15:3)
"Nothing in all creation is hidden from God's sight. Everything is uncovered and laid bare before the eyes of him to whom we must give account." (Hebrews 4:13)
"You have searched me, LORD, and you know me. You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar." (Psalm 139:1-2)

So when we tell you about our privacy practices below, understand that we're discussing the second-most comprehensive surveillance of your activities. The first is already in place, has been since before you were born, and you literally cannot opt out.

At least our tracking expires. His is eternal.

📊 What We Actually Collect (The Mortal Version)

Since you're already being monitored by an omniscient deity, our data collection probably seems quaint by comparison. But here's what we track:

Session Data

User ID: The identifier you provide (we don't verify it, so feel free to lie to us—God will know anyway)
Session ID: A randomly generated string to track your conversation
Payment Information: Transaction details (amount, timestamp, mock payment method)
Essence Balance: How much virtual currency you have left
Selected Demon: Which infernal entity you chose to commune with

Conversation Data

Your Messages: Everything you type to the demons
AI Responses: Everything the AI pretending to be demons types back
Timestamps: When each message was sent
Essence Usage: How much each invocation cost

Technical Data

API Calls: Logged by Azure (IP addresses, user agents, request/response data)
Error Logs: If something breaks, we log what went wrong
Function Execution Data: Azure Functions invocations, durations, memory usage
CDN Logs: Cloudflare edge requests (we chose them for the flares, kept them for the performance)

Local Storage

Browser LocalStorage: We cache your session data locally so you don't lose your place
No Cookies: We don't use cookies. God doesn't need cookies to track you, and apparently neither do we.

🏢 Third-Party Services (Other Mortals with Access)

Your data passes through the following corporate entities:

Microsoft Azure

Services Used: Azure Functions, Azure AI, Cosmos DB
Region: East US 2 (Virginia)
What They See: Everything. They host our entire infrastructure.
Their Privacy Policy: privacy.microsoft.com
Note: We'd prefer il Rosso (the Red one), but Microsoft's blue will have to do.

Cloudflare

Service: CDN, DDoS protection, edge caching
What They See: All your HTTP requests, headers, IP addresses
Why Cloudflare? Chosen for the flares, obviously. What else would demons use?
Their Privacy Policy: cloudflare.com/privacypolicy

Anthropic (Claude AI)

Service: Claude models via Azure AI
What They See: Your prompts and the AI responses
Training Data: According to Anthropic's terms, they don't train on Azure AI API calls
Their Privacy Policy: anthropic.com/privacy

We have no control over how these companies handle your data. Read their privacy policies if you care. Spoiler: They're very long and carefully worded by expensive lawyers.

🔐 How We "Protect" Your Data

Security Measures We Take

HTTPS: All communication is encrypted in transit via Cloudflare (chosen for the flares)
Azure RBAC: Restricted access to backend resources
No Password Storage: We don't have user accounts, so we can't leak your passwords
Temporary Sessions: Conversation data is not permanently archived (probably—Azure keeps logs for debugging)
No Data Sales: We don't sell your data because there's no market for "things people said to fake demons"

Threats We Cannot Protect Against

Azure Data Breach: If Microsoft gets hacked, your data might be exposed
Cloudflare Compromise: If the flares go dark, so does our security
State-Level Actors: If a government wants your data, they'll get it via subpoena or NSL
Divine Surveillance: As previously discussed, God already has root access to everything
Your Own Behavior: If you screenshot and post your demon conversations to social media, that's on you

Reality Check: Any promise of absolute security in the digital age is a lie. The best security is to assume everything you do online is public, because eventually, it probably will be.

📝 What We Do With Your Data

Legitimate Uses

Providing the service (generating AI responses)
Tracking your essence balance
Processing mock payments
Debugging errors
Understanding usage patterns (how many people summon which demons)

What We Don't Do

Sell your data to advertisers
Train AI models on your conversations (we can't speak for Anthropic, but they claim not to via Azure AI)
Share your data with third parties beyond Azure/Cloudflare/Anthropic
Send you marketing emails (we don't have your email)
Track you across other websites

What God Does With Your Data

According to various theological traditions: judgment, grace, mysterious divine purposes, and the occasional smiting. We are not responsible for divine data usage policies.

🤔 The Privacy Paradox

Here's the uncomfortable truth about privacy in the 21st century: it's already gone. Not because of Goetia.chat. Not even primarily because of Facebook, Google, or Amazon.

Privacy died when we collectively decided that the convenience of smartphones, social media, cloud storage, and AI assistants was worth the cost of constant surveillance. We made this choice knowingly. We click "Accept" on privacy policies we don't read because we want the service more than we want privacy.

If you genuinely wanted privacy, you wouldn't be on a website talking to an AI. You'd be living in a cabin in the woods with no electricity, paying for everything in cash, and avoiding all forms of electronic communication.

But you're not. You're here, on a device connected to the internet, probably with a dozen apps running in the background, each one quietly collecting data about you.

And if you believe in God—if you accept the premise that an all-knowing being watches every moment of your existence—then you've already made peace with the ultimate privacy violation. What's one more database entry compared to eternal divine surveillance?

At least our database might get deleted someday. His won't.

⚖️ Your Legal Rights (Such As They Are)

Data Access

You can request access to your data by... well, actually, you can't. We don't have a proper user account system. Your session data is identified by a random session ID. If you remember it, you could theoretically request it, but there's no automated process.

Data Deletion

Clear your browser's LocalStorage and your session is gone from your end. Our backend logs will eventually expire per Azure retention policies. If you want immediate deletion, you'd need to contact us, and we don't have a contact form set up yet.

Do Not Track

We don't respect Do Not Track signals because we're not tracking you in any meaningful way beyond providing the service. There are no ads, no analytics pixels, no third-party trackers embedded in this site.

GDPR / CCPA Rights

If you're in the EU or California and want to exercise your data rights, good luck. We're not set up for that. This is a hobby project, not a venture-backed startup with a compliance team. Use at your own risk.

Divine Rights

Regarding God's collection and use of your data: Most religious traditions suggest prayer, repentance, and faith. Results may vary. No refunds. Eternal terms and conditions apply.

👶 Children's Privacy

This service is not for children under 18.

We do not knowingly collect data from minors. If you're under 18, leave now. If you're a parent and discovered your child used this site, we recommend having a conversation about critical thinking, religious literacy, and distinguishing entertainment from reality.

God is watching them too, of course. He's watching everyone. That's kind of His whole thing.

🔄 Changes to This Policy

We may update this privacy policy at any time, for any reason, or no reason at all. Continued use of the service constitutes acceptance of any changes. We won't notify you because we don't have your contact information.

Check back occasionally if you care.

God's privacy policy has remained unchanged for several thousand years, depending on your theological tradition. Ours is more flexible.

🎭 The Bottom Line

We collect minimal data necessary to provide the service. We don't sell it. We don't share it beyond Azure, Cloudflare, and Anthropic (who are providing the infrastructure, flares, and AI). We don't track you across the internet.

But none of that matters if you believe in an omniscient God. Every word you type, every thought you have, every action you take—it's all being recorded by an entity with perfect memory and no privacy policy.

So maybe stop worrying so much about what data we collect, and think about what data He already has.

Or don't. Free will and all that. God gave it to you. We're not going to take it away by making you accept cookies.

Last updated: Year 138 of the transvaluation of all values